dilligaf
@AllMyCircuits_
Some people are only alive because it’s illegal to push them into a wood-chipper. I am one of them.
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I hate summertime in bed with my partner... Me: Lets cuddle Him: Uhh...noo. I'm hot Me: Yeah. I know. That's why I wanna cuddle #getthedrift #hornytoo #wtfbabe
I wish my partner was dumber. Not by much, but, I just wanna win more fights #domestics #winmore #stubborn #fighting
Stupidly literal and metaphorically convenient #describeyourself #me
the devil remade my world whilst God napped. I guess anyone can fall asleep at the wheel #tomwaits #sleeping #misfortune
A workplace, much like a family, is a collection of strangers who, if given a choice, would never choose to be together #worksux #ihatework
My number of successes are several botched murder investigations... #reno911
When @peacock recommended @oxygen's #HomicideForTheHolidays I'm thinking what so diff bout dis vs all other true crime shows? But I see now, the lesson is: don't live in small, rural communities. I'm right...right? Cause that's all the vibes it's bringing #murderdontvacay
My mother on Macau: 'I have been to Macau before and lost $5' Who 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 loses $5 in Macau? #macau #gambling #livealittle #gamblingisfun #bragmuch
I know the running theme about the #Bluth family is that they're unrelatable, so why am I relating to it!? #bingeArrestedDevelopment #arresteddevelopment #worstfamilyever #myfamily
I've been compared to a corpse before #ihavenohealth #notproud #istheresomethingwrong
I could never, ever contemplate harming an animal. But humans, well...not even a second thought #peoplesuck #terriblebosses #EndUpOnDateline
I wish I could bury my workplace in the backyard @oxygen #buriedinthebackyard #snapped #worksux
So I've received a very serious BOLO SMS alert...the cops are looking for a fuck. Has anyone seen Fuck? #copbootycall #BOLO #rl #truecrime
FIVE seasons and still going for #BuriedInTheBackyard...just how many people are burying people in backyards?! #truecrime #whysostupid #mightaswellturnyourselfin #butcantstopwatching
Every community is a dream community...until they find a body #truecrime #buriedinthebackyard #dateline
What is a CEO? 🤔 Can't Explain Occupation. #fu #leavemealone #terriblebosses (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
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