The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. However, on earth, it might be worth taking the long way around the entire globe just to show the flat earthers they are wrong 🌍
At some point, everything will go back to normal & Asian people will be the only ones wearing masks 😷
@alexstein99 here’s the joke from @TheComedyStore in the Belly Room where Dave Chappelle recorded one of his more recent comedy specials. Alex, remember telling me about the pornstar? Spoiler alert, it was actually a female 😂😂 I changed the ending to get the uproar in laughs
Stepped in a nice big juicy puddle tonight. I love you too New York! ❤️🍎
Funn little update from T3PO & OldR2D2 - here in the obese apple 🍎
If you like @ClaytonEchard as the #Bachelor @BachelorABC, don't miss THE SCOTTISH BACHELOR!!! Both went to the same high school, both played football for @Mizzou & both are available for the ladies...
I was at a bachelor party & this older fella was giving out marriage advice to the groom & I was intrigued so after the whole shindig I went up to him & said “Got any advice for a single fella on all this stuff?” He looked me straight in the face & said “DONT EVER GET MARRIED!”
She broke up with me because she was afraid I wouldn’t be able provide long term financial stability through comedy & here she is, trying standup. Poetic Also, we are on great terms. I basically her Dr. Phil for her current boyfriend
She just told me she has three things on her short term bucket list 1. Try standup comedy 2. Go skydiving 🪂 3. Get her nipples pierced 😂😂😂
When I see Christmas decorations before Turkey Day 🎄
Take a gander at my Varsity Blues YouTube clip for the sake of heck
Best advice i can give to a young football player… If you wanna run faster & cut faster, don’t wear a cup. But you better freeze those seeds first!!!
Teaser for my next comedy music video coming in the next week or so
I was circumcised against my will
Calling all single Pisces ladies, Happy Bday month! We’re a match according to astrology 🦂 So how about we set up a speed dating session on zoom to see if anything sticks? It’ll be like a Zoom Bachelor #Bachelor
You know what, my parents have pretty good taste. I’m thinking about requesting an arranged marriage
I call my canine, Lil Chewie
Fake positivity is nauseating, but what I need to stop doing is stifling my own true positivity out of fear of it being misperceived as fake. Why? Because fuck fear
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