DaddingWhileDriving
@DaddingD
life lessons from the trenches of parenting. Who knew life with tiny terrorists could be so mind numbing and ironic at the same time
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At the gym with my Disney backpack. Who wants a spot from this badboi
Parent hack. If you pass gas in public quickly pick up baby and run out of room yelling “got a loaded one here!” You might actually get an atta boy.
At what age will my children realize that I’ve been trolling them for years? Probably about the same age they get social media. That is if I let them be my friend. As if. Total newbs.
No greater disappointment to a toddler than when daddy eats the sandwich they didn’t want for four hours.
Bedtime routine with kids under 8?
3 vote · Final results
I’ve gone almost 8 years as a parent without a kids’ CD in the car. The time has come and it’s a type of psychological warfare nothing can prepare you for.
Cat-“So the kids are all teetering on sleep? Let me sing them the song of my people as loud as possible so you know whose really in charge.”
When planning family outings just assume the kids will want to jump in the water. Doesn’t matter if it’s 90 degrees or 40 degrees. Any opportunity to get wet will be had.
Never underestimate the power of slamming a sleeve of Oreos behind your kids’ backs. This is what separates us from the littles being able to reach the top shelf. Take that short mini me-s.
“Daddy, is there salt on my eggs?” “Yes.” “I no want salt.” “Ok, there isn’t any salt on them then.” This is where trust issues come from people.
Taking four young kids to buy normal underwear as a surprise for the wife. @vistorias secret? Cool Dad/husband move or creepy?
Is it hot gross and sticky out? Well then let’s snuggle! -Kid logic.
Being a parent teaches you many things about yourself. Like how to dominate a 7ft high basketball hoop.
Which pop tart flavor is the hardest to get out of hair? We’ve got a strong contender with strawberry.
Smelled the unique smell of burning marijuana at the park today when I was with the kids. Used this precious opportunity to mutter under my breath “ok kids time to leave I daddy’s gotta start dinner, the munchies are hitting hard.” Other parents were not amused.
Tip-O-The Day. If your 1 year old starts drooling neon yellow and magenta check the roof of his mouth for play-doh.
There is a very specific technique for helping a three year old use a urinal. It requires suspending the tot into the kill zone while you monitor the location of his pants and hands so he doesn’t swipe the throne. Add a new risk factor by holding a tiny baby at the same time.
I find myself saying the same phrases thousands of times a day. Get your shoes on, eat, stop, and why... maybe in a few years these phrases will change until them I’m buying a ridiculously expensive and loud parrot. I will call him Squawker the Enforcer.
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