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I rubbed Uni's tummy and he fell asleep with his tongue out. So cute
Attention patriots: Benjamin Netanyahu is deploying irregular traffic patterns to make you 1-2 minutes late for work for the remainder of this week
I think the only time i’ve had a woman get seriously annoyed with me and tell me to turn my music off was when this came on my playlist in the car
All of my nights, I'm chasing rats. (Chasin' the rats!)
カズヤ使いのポケットから出てきたfuckin monkeyに殺されて33位で終わっちゃった あまりにも宿命的すぎるどうしようもない終わり方で萎えすら出てこないの悲しすぎる とりあえず表裏猿とかいうとんでもないトナメ引くような中途半端なシードしてる自分が悪いからまた頑張りたいな
(Interrupting my wife’s zoom meeting) Hey babe I noticed you didn’t cut my blueberries in half when u made my snack earlier? I guess you want me to choke and die? (Noticing myself reflected in her webcam next to her coworkers) nightmare blunt rotation lmao
Someone with this PFP just liked my tweet
Monkey made some new friends during her monthly vet visit
When you’re cracking ChatGPT shyt and you ask them to talk dirty and they say “your dih isn’t just big — it’s large” and kills the whole vibe
Want to change the world IRL? Start in Minecraft. In the free Good Trouble DLC, explore global civil rights movements, meet changemakers, and learn how to stand up, speak out, and build a better world. Download from the @MinecraftMarket: msft.it/6010QK8gs
Got to do something about these missing chidlren grabbed by the perverts. Too many incidents--fast trial, death penalty.
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