PokerRoasters's profile picture. Roasting felt jockeys. Satire/parody/jokes/not financial advice.

Poker Roasters

@PokerRoasters

Roasting felt jockeys. Satire/parody/jokes/not financial advice.

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When asked if he wanted to check out the Fremont Experience Allen Kessler responded "you had me at free."


Government officials are debating a new proposal for 50 year mortgages, or as Christoph Vogelsang calls it, a starter home.


Critics are all over wsop documentary 'No Limit'. The project is being flamed so thoroughly that Allen Kessler thinks it's almost ready to eat.


Top mafioso poker player: 1) Madone-ie Peters 2) Baby Loan-Shark Gollins 3) Meyer Sklansky 4) Dan Shak down 5) Friend of Arsi Engel 6) Gavone Smith 7) Stand Up Guy Laliberte 8) Ben on the Lamb 9) Bada Bing Weng 10) Mamaluke Vrabel


Phil Hellmuth's favorite part of mafia family wars is when they go to the mattresses.


Nvidia became the first company to have a $5 trillion market cap. As opposed to Phil Hellmuth who was the first to have 5 trillion bitcoin latinum caps.


Last night's 18 inning Dodgers win ended at 3am EST, making many viewers the first people to fall asleep during the World Series since Phil Hellmuth.


Last night's Dodgers vs. Blue Jays game went into extra innings, or as Christoph Vogelsang calls them, innings.


When asked if it's good for poker to have knockaround guys running home games Nick Vertucci responded "you had me knockers."


The Godfather had a thoroughbred's severed head placed in its owner's bed, with many calling this the worst thing to happen to horses since Bryn Kenney.


Billups cheated home game recs? When I heard about $7 million fish I assumed people were discussing the oysters with paprika at All-American Dave's.


Poker Godfather: INT. PETERS VILLA- DAY "Don Peters, Ari Engel sits with the fishes." "Don't you mean sleeps?" "No. That's Phil Hellmuth." "Did our foes get Kessler at the tollbooth?" "No Allen turned around when he realized he was on a toll road." "Well done." "Like his burgers"


According to Bencb it is good to have the mafia involved in poker because they are made men.


E) Track and field: selfie stick throw for distance

I played all sorts of sports as a kid and had no natural talent in any of them. I was definitely better at one than I was any of the others. What is your guess as to which one I was best at?



When asked if he liked the McAfee and Berkey interview Allen Kessler responded "you lost me at fee."


Matt Berkey has somehow made this scandal turn into his 15 minutes of fame, as opposed to Christoph Vogelsang who somehow makes every turn into 15 minutes.


For once Berkey wasn't a stream's biggest punter.

Ya love to see it. Tune in 12:15 est

conrads411's tweet image. Ya love to see it.

Tune in 12:15 est


Poker Roasters reposted

Jimmy Butler and Nick Vertucci actually have a lot in common. One is an All-Defensive Team member and the other is Jimmy Butler.


Jimmy Butler did not participate in Chauncey Billups' rigged games because he was waiting for Neymar to arrive.


Billups swindled home game fish out of $7 million by using cutting-edge technology. As opposed to the old analog method of inviting Rampage.


Chancey Billups cannot participate in Chamath's circuit because he is a blazer.


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