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Dan Probst

@Probst75

I’m not an alcoholic. I’m just OCD about leaving liquor bottles half full.


Men, if you want to calm a woman down tell her she doesn’t know what she’s upset about.


I wish I could make my eyes look in opposite directions.


Do guys named Greg resent guys named Gregg?


They key to sobriety is constant dental work


I just yanked a mushroom out of the ground. I was tired of seeing it live.


I’m starting to think the whole Russia Brittney Griner arrest was just a WNBA promotion. Like this current dildo thing.


If find it interesting that the earliest dinosaurs were hunters and gatherers. Just like the earliest humans.


My favorite color? Yellowish brown.


Ellen Degeneres? I call her Ellen Degenerate!


Bots should have the right to vote. As long as they're legal citizens.


I judge people based on their favorite Colbie Caillat song


You gotta be a sick motherfucker to like banana taffy. I like bananas! But banana taffy? Fucking Christ, that’s Jeffrey Dahmer pederast shit. Reminds me of @Brianlovesfall


I HATE glass!


I get that the world loves Garfield. And I never miss the daily comic strip. But can we agree that it hasn’t been about Garfield for quite a few years now? They should change the name of the strip to “Jon’s a Cuck”.


My favorite Val Kilmer movie? Island of Dr. Moreau.


Sometimes I play blind to avoid looking people in the eye.


Have you ever stood and watched a drying machine go through the spin cycles? I’m not sure that’s all necessary. Big waste of energy.


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