Corporate Mom
@RealWorldProb
My clothes are mostly clean, can’t remember the last time I showered, and that lovely perfume you smell is spitup.
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*Evan Peters’ alarm goes off* *He sits up, sighs* “Gonna have to fuck a mannequin at work today” #DahmerNetflix
I don’t even know how @Ticketmaster is a legal business anymore. Hiding promos, wiping their number from Google, not letting anyone contact them until tickets are purchased, then saying all sales are final. Complete scam. 🖕🏻
Ok, you cannot convince me that Alyssa is not Henry and Christina’s daughter. Same mix of personalities, too 🤷🏻♀️ #MAFSBoston #MAFS #MarriedAtFirstSightBoston
Ok I’m just going to say it #BlueOrigin youtu.be/ARXqNc5DGXU
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That looks like a huge.... (Austin Powers)
I wish Pastor Cal would stop asking Paige and Chris questions. This show did her dirty. You stuck her in a marriage with a manipulative, abusive narcissist. Let her get out. #MarriedAtFirstSight
Idea for @NBCGameOfGames: Uncomfortably bend over to attempt to find three matches of shitty Tupperware in a kitchen cabinet. No one will win.
I want to know how, as a species that eats and swallows every day, we manage to do stupid shit like bite our tongues, mouths, and lips and choke on our own spit?!
Omg Luke take your soap opera eyebrows and go home. #TheBachelorette
#BigLittleLies Prediction: Mary Louise keeps talking about her “boys”. Corey is going to turn out to be Perry’s brother. He was also super eager about wanting to meet Ziggy...
Meryl Streep is my favorite actress, but her character is so hatable that I actually now hate Meryl Streep 👏🏻 #BigLittleLies
Anyone else also feel like a dirty thief when they take condiments from Chick fil A they are completely unnecessary for what they ordered?
So tired today. Would consider sleeping in my car over lunch if my back seat didn’t have a car seat base in the middle 😩 #workingmom
Bit my tongue so hard today that it hasn’t really stopped bleeding since it happened 6 hours ago. Then I wondered if it hurt more than my C-section. That, my friends, is why Mother Nature is a dumb bitch that makes you forget how terrible childbirth is so you’ll have more babies.
I present to you a collection of original photos entitled “My Evening, In Timestamps”. The bath, 7:25pm. Everything else, 8:15-8:31pm. Baby also peed on the dog, in case you are wondering 😒 #newmomproblems
“You look like you need a nap.” Me, with my four month old:
When it’s Saturday and you rocked your baby back to sleep at 6am and they’ve been sleeping 2+ hours but you’ve been wide awake the whole time 😳 #workingmom
You know you’re a mom when you are repeatedly hitting the snooze button and the question, “Which day did I shower?”, brings no sense of urgency. #workingmom
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