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Nobody’s Touching Jordan’s 3,041 Points. Not Even Close Thirty-eight years ago, Michael Jordan set the modern single-season scoring record with an astounding 3,041 points during the 1986-87 season. Since then, no one has come close. Here are the closest challengers: - Michael…
Me: Mr President, I haven’t had healthcare in years and I would like it if my entire paycheck didn’t go towards rent Trump: We fucking got him Me: Who? Trump: Maduro. We got him Me: ok
Friday at the bowl game, a stranger ahead of me in the bar line needed a "friend" so he could get three drinks. I get roped in, and I turn to the bartender and say "We're old friends. We are! We're the same age. And I own every kind of classic car..." No one got it. Felt stupid
“Yes I feel fully recharged after a restful holiday”
“yeah it was good thanks. quiet one. feels good to get back to some normality if im honest haha”
Told my wife to calm down and stop acting like her mother
I applied to a job 45 mins ago and they’ve already emailed me saying no 💞
When you and ya girl arguing and you're both wrong so you start mocking each other
I dunno, guys. "The spice must flow" seems like a pretty vague directive from the president
what do you mean next week I have to go back to working 40+ hours instead of reading whole books and going to movies in the middle of the day and getting drunk on my couch. haha what do you mean
BREAKING: Chinese officials are apparently caught in the crossfire as they arrived for Venezuela government meetings 4 hours ago.
My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for the paramedics to give him a blood transfusion. As he was dying he kept insisting "be positive" but it's hard without him.
day two in Zohran Mamdani’s New York. I watched a gaggle of financial analysts get ziptied and marched into an unmarked van. A man ordered a latte with whole milk in front of me in line and the barista immediately shot him in the head.
TRANSFER PORTAL UPDATE: (And if you get this joke, we could totally drink moonshine together and be friends)
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