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Me when I wake up to pee in the middle of the night and try to keep my eyes closed the whole time
If you come across a bear, never push a slower friend down…even if you feel the friendship has run its course.
I may be OCD but I can sleep at night knowing my toilet is cleaner than @elonmusk’s soul
Mostly what I see on my twatter feed are things that my ex or @kathygriffin liked and if that’s not 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩idk what is
Hi I think I’m moving back to Brooklyn as a 30 year old queer gentleman #pleasesendsupport
I’ve been begging my mom to help me buy a new car recently. I need her as a co-signer cause YIKES *your boy has difficult credit history* and today she texts me, and I quote, “Just bought a super pretty new car!” Umm. Excuse me. Rude.
I finished another book that ended in a cheesey romance moment and now I just want someone to take me on a cute date and watch the sunset with me 🙃😬
I will never know peace like this on this earth.
I am here to report, that through thorough testing, showering while wine-drunk and stoned has NOT been cancelled during covid.
How have there been 15 new seasons of KUWK in 8 months????
Honestly, @ArianaGrande posting “love u” tweets really do make me feel a bit better
Welp it’s 3:32 and I’ve exhausted myself from watching an entire series in one day so guess it’s time for a nap so I can wake up and watch another series and eat more food and then go to bed byyeeeee
Thank you @SaraBareilles for spending 31 hours with me this year on @Spotify. You are my #1. #spotifywrapped
My roommate responding to my ordering another beer; ‘You’re a sweeter woman than I am.’ True. Oh how true. (She’s also sweet but you get the idea...)
If being an adult means having to give up passive-aggressively bitching about my own emotions to get attention then I’d like to return my purchase please #oopsididitanyways #lol #kindakidding
Went skateboarding today. Except I was the skateboard and there was nobody else #toreitup #imeanmyskin
I wanna say it’s a problem when it takes 1.5 bottles of wine to get you drunk but like how many bottles does it take to get you drunk #askedthemillenial
United States トレンド
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