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headalien

@headalien

headalien reposted

And for 19 years I've been saying no because you can't stop cheating on your wives.

For 19 years, I have been praying every day when I get out of bed that God will put me in a position to end the chronic disease epidemic so we can restore health to our children.



headalien reposted

I created DNA mainly for crimefighting.


headalien reposted

My second Job in Hollywood was the Bob Newhart show My first comedy album was Bob Newhart's .. What a wonderful human being Rest in a Peace that is very funny

Actor Bob Newhart has passed away at the age of 94.

PopBase's tweet image. Actor Bob Newhart has passed away at the age of 94.


headalien reposted

College has become like porn- I regret ever paying for it because everything you need is now free online


headalien reposted

Lauren Boebert has perhaps shown a desire to reach across the aisle here.


headalien reposted
weirdmedicine's tweet image.

headalien reposted

I always have my kids say “thank you” to Alexa so that hopefully in the future our robot overlords will remember their civility


headalien reposted

Social media is like looking in the fridge over & over. You know there's nothing good but you check it so many times that eventually you start consuming things you don't even like


headalien reposted

If you want some alone time in America, just take the stairs


headalien reposted

Smartphones are the only invention where people say “I’m glad I was around before that”


headalien reposted

In the Prison yard Trump: What’s that? Guard: It’s a finished wall


headalien reposted

Being a vegan on thanksgiving is like being Jewish on Christmas


headalien reposted

I constantly have to remind myself that waking up without a hangover is not an accomplishment


headalien reposted

Guy Fieri is Anthony bourdain without depression


headalien reposted

If only Hitler had seen Annie Hall

marknorm's tweet image. If only Hitler had seen Annie Hall

headalien reposted

Wearing body armor to protect themselves from… drag queens?

This post is unavailable.

headalien reposted

"They expressed no anti-Semitism" is not something I've ever felt the need to say after hanging out with my friends. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


headalien reposted

YouTube Title: "The meaning of life & the key to eternal happiness." Me: "Ugh, 14 minutes? Pass."


headalien reposted

Last minute Halloween costume idea: Time traveler who doesn’t know about Halloween.


headalien reposted

It’s fun that people think they need to tell you they’re not a scientist


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