Jeb๐
@jebthedoggo
procurer of nose exhalations
๋ด๊ฐ ์ข์ํ ๋งํ ์ฝํ ์ธ
ME: just found out thereโs no such thing as updog FRIEND: whats updog ME: nothing FRIEND: ME: ME: i just explained this
*AA meeting* group leader: the first step to recovery is recognizing you have a problem, which โ me: *standing up as batteries fall out of my pockets* I donโt think Iโm in the right place
ME AT OLIVE GARDEN: When youโre here, youโre family MY STEP-SON: Iโm still not calling you dad
Is anyone else mad that when a sitcom character tries to sound like theyโre saying something complicated in Spanish they always throw in the word โlibraryโ? or am I just hyperfocusing?
What if you go camping and take a dump in the woods with your buddy and thatโs how you find out heโs got a wombat butthole and poops in cubes
becca: *fries beans* rebecca: *refries beans*
real quick, are collagen shots something you drink or am i an alcoholic
PUBLISHER: yeah no the story is fantastic HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSON: then whatโs wrong PUBLISHER: I just think the title could use some workโ HANS: Listen here, The Gargantuan Fucking Mermaid will be a timeless classic
I know this might be controversial but if you eat the marshmallows last in a bowl of lucky charms then youโre a bottom
Kids who screamed whenever the power would go out at school are conspiracy theorists today.
I tried decorating a cookie and it looks like a bunch of worms and turds assembled together to make graffiti Merry Christmas everyone
Once upon a time, my siblings and I saw the preview for Cars, and we all thought Materโs actual Christian name was โDag Gumโ. Man we were stupid.
ME: *tweets* YOU: *confused* ME: sorry I couldnโt think of anything and thereโs like nothing good in my drafts YOU: *scoffs* *keeps scrolling*
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