tone
@onlinedogshit
not funny. fan of the hornets, padres, gators, panthers, hurricanes, charlotte FC
Just got chills imagining what tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once
Aaaaand yup the uber driver is taking us right through the valley of the shadow of death
Georgia has a free Saturday. Ain’t no way I’d get on the highway tomorrow
another year as a male instacart shopper on the day before thanksgiving. I’m substituting celery for leeks on your order. I’m telling you they’re out of canned cranberry sauce. I have never heard of lettuce.
guy who doesn't know how to order at waffle house: yeah and can i get the hashbrowns goated, throated, and coated
on god we boiling you in liquids
caramelize me like one of your french onions
Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid btw lol
Bedtime dot com. I just made an account and confirmed my email address and you gotta know I’m logging in
sorry i cant hang out im in shrimp space a psychological state where someone feels or acts like a shrimp . people in “shrimp space” might engage in activities like scavenging , swimming , or other shrimp like behaviors as a form of stress relief, coping mechanism, or…
guy who for some reason cant remember the name of the movie being john malkovich: hey whats that movie where theres a hole in the office wall and people go in and end up actually being john malkovich for a bit
Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don't get it. They don't know what it's like to live with the Monkey Instinct
robbing a chipotle at gunpoint and they're being stingy and only giving a little bit of the money out the register
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