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Matthew Smith

@8Matthew

Euro 2024, yawn, boring as fuck


Matthew Smith reposted

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DDouth84's tweet image. 🔥🔥

Groove Theory - Tell Me (Official HD Video) youtu.be/THtqUDitQ4I?si… via @YouTube Released in 1995, that’s right 1995!!!. This little number is still as fresh today as it was back then 🔥


What do you call a singer with a Laptop on her head? A-Dell


Why did the Walrus go to the Tupperware party? So he could find a tight seal


H "Two" O Feat. Platnum – What's It Gonna Be (Official HD Video) [2008] ... youtu.be/f_D-8G2eRC4?si… via @YouTube 16 years ago this banger dropped! 16 years ago, fuck me time flies

8Matthew's tweet card. H 'two' O Ft. Platnum - What's It Gonna Be (Official HD Music Video)...

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H 'two' O Ft. Platnum - What's It Gonna Be (Official HD Music Video)...


What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station , the other is a busty crustacean


To the person who stole my Cello, return it by the days end or this will get ugly. I will if I have to, but i don’t want to resort to Violins!


Taking ownership of one of those new “talking” Golden Retrievers was a dream come true, bit of magic in my life. Or so I thought, what a fucking let down! The only thing he talks about is 19th Century Architecture and his bloody Stamp Collection! We’re not getting on at all


Off to see a Christmas Show, “Schindler’s List - On Ice”


What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong walked on the Moon, and Michael Jackson slept with children


While getting jiggy, & in the heat of the moment, she say 2me “tell me the naughtiest thing u’ve eva done, don’t hold back”. I Completely misunderstood wat she meant & fessed up that the dog didn’t run away like I told her, he’s buried in the bck garden afta a reversing incident


Is Luke Shaw the best Left Back in the Prem? The man looks like he is


I bought an advent calendar for Jehovah’s Witnesses. Behind every door somebody tells you to piss off!


I’ve just filed a Missing Person report but I’m not confident it’s gonna do much good. So, if anybody out there has seen Mr Mason Mount, please, please tell him to pull his fucking finger out, get fit, or Man Utd want their fucking money back!!!


Aaaah Steve Mweusi (Official Music video) youtu.be/_bcgb7KsTvA?si… via @YouTube 🤣 this should be top of fucking charts 🤣


Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70? Because at 69 she gets a frog in her throat


What’s the worst thing to feel during a prostate exam? Two hands on your shoulders!!! I know, I’ll never go back to that doctor again


Just had to cancel my appointment at the sperm bank. When asked my reason for not attending, I just said I couldn’t come


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