Classy Bitch
@ADDandstuff
Heavy drinking, socially akward, sociopath. part robot. (The best parts)
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My wife told me to make sure I wear clean underwear today for my doctor's visit because he's a family friend. I did. Hers.
I was significantly more productive prior to my twitter addiction. And well rested.
I pretend that the reason people in horror movies die is because they don't listen to all the helpful advice I give. Yes I'm a movie talker.
2 hr commute, 12hrs at work,no lunch, and still need to get MY work done. #fmlmonday
Vampire 1: There goes a diabetic. Vampire 2: Sweet.
Coffee, where are you my love?
Hey bitches, let's party like it's 1999! *pulls out Nokia phone* *plays Snake*
Inspirational tweet about everybody giving a fuck about your problems & not just listening so they can fuck you later.
I may not be your only Twitter crush, but I sure as hell better be on top.
I retweet people so it looks like we are all just hanging out having a great time together on my timeline. In unrelated news I'm very lonely
Shout out to you if you're reading this while sitting on a toilet. I'm pulling for you. You've got this, own it!
I'm now responding to Twitter notifications faster than text messages. Where do I pick up my new cat?
You can't fool me, Twitter. One minute it's all kittens, coffee and unicorns, the next it's whiskey, kegals and cucumbers. Keep it up.
Boss approaches, I frantically close my google image search of cats hugging, only to show a new window of cats in formal wear. I get fired.
Make her laugh. Fuck her hard, and often. Cook her meals. Clean the house. And most importantly, love her with all your heart. That is all.
United States Trends
- 1. Derrick Henry 20,7 B posts
- 2. Packers 53,1 B posts
- 3. Malik Willis 20 B posts
- 4. #AEWWorldsEnd 45,1 B posts
- 5. Ravens 45,7 B posts
- 6. Green Bay 8.472 posts
- 7. Josh Jacobs 2.853 posts
- 8. NFC North 12 B posts
- 9. Chicago Bears 8.111 posts
- 10. Huntley 8.800 posts
- 11. #GoPackGo 6.144 posts
- 12. Clayton Tune 1.271 posts
- 13. Nate Wiggins 1.131 posts
- 14. Moxley 8.550 posts
- 15. Okada 16,2 B posts
- 16. Kings of the North 6.897 posts
- 17. Mizzou 3.108 posts
- 18. Jordan Love 5.791 posts
- 19. LaFleur 2.733 posts
- 20. #BALvsGB 1.317 posts
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