Pleasant UK vegan man self-gaining A-Levels, alone
@ALevelselfstudy
Deeply heavy-hearted, I have no way now but to end counterproductive consciousness-airs on the gravity of my dilemma, to focus solely on my rebuild dream, alone
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Ah, I want to not make any further regrettable halfhearted efforts in any endeavour, no matter how alien it is to me, and I want to find peace :(
To begin to explain the tremendous pain of how incompatible for me this degree of petty focuses is and how much and how severely I hate it and everything it's oriented to... I ABSOLUTELY HATE human matters. I'm SICK OF the human-based, i.e. the sociological/political and the arts
I CANNOT BEAR MY LIFE AND MY INHIBITED YEARNING TO DO GOOD ANYMORE. I HAVE SNAPPED
How is it I have to question the permissibility of unravelling integral-to-me, blatantly character shaping truths? Why do I have to hesitate to say directly what somehow genuinely are some pretty unique innermost ideas long within me? It is like I have to suppress my intelligence
No, have one first objective if I seriously want new A-Levels and my new direction in a specific learning field having more than reached a point of being truly filled up with not toying with self-discipline: hoard all I can and transform 5 figures of SFE money into 6 figures fast
I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO FIRMLY FOCUS ON THE A-LEVELS I HAVE LONGED TO GET MYSELF FOR THE LAST EIGHT WRETCHED YEARS, SINCE JUNE 2016. I HAVE MORE OF THE JUSTIFIED MOTIVE AND THE MEANS TO GO ALL OUT IN THIS AND SIDESTEP NORMALCY than any fully bared 'story' nearby (or prove me wrong)
I AM THE ONE WHO WILL GO THE WHOLE WAY DOWN HIS SELF-IMPELLED RABBIT HOLE. I WILL NOT LET GO OF UNREALISED desires with a LAZY ACCEPTANCE of a positive I was SWEPT INTO unwittingly. I am entirely about PRINCIPLES, and I always put my money where my mouth is.
I slavishly, submissively succumb to my stressful, low place in society via low grades. I accept my not-unproven-as-yet lower smarts and lower demonstrated ability causing me to stay completely untouched and alone until I die or forever split from highly disparate dreamier people
Hampstead's crew of Piers Gav-, 33 Portland Place-destined laissez-faire genetically leveraged A*AA sensual hedonists who subsequently get to tingle their five senses further with their superior intelligence and looks and thus luck/exposure surface areas will not stifle my psyche
I have nothing to lose now in laying bare and openly sharing for the first time in extremely explicit terms the exact flavour and real nature of the longings and the sadnesses in my far-out, breathtakingly sunken heart transported by timid eyes which have seen and lost enough...
Ingenuity itself isn't cared for. Others' cares lie in qualities within what's normalised and with the socialised, and how anyone can alter the socialised from inside their enclosure. 'Ingenuity' positioned outside their interior mass or past their shape's outlines is shun-worthy
Ignore nepotism, preferential biases stemming from elitisms over one's social capital and racially ostracising tendencies, intelligence elitism, exhaustingly annihilative social rejection and celebrity for a second. Buzz off. Real success comes from ingenuity, not attraction.
I AM THE ONE WHO WILL GO THE WHOLE WAY DOWN HIS SELF-IMPELLED RABBIT HOLE. I WILL NOT LET GO OF UNREALISED desires with a LAZY ACCEPTANCE of a positive I was SWEPT INTO unwittingly. I am entirely about PRINCIPLES, and I always put my money where my mouth is.
I am OVERPOWERINGLY HUNGRY to overturn my fortunes and envision my standing in different terms to my truest ever extent. With my awake hours, I will sacrifice company and all regrettable, disgusting comforts, to THINK, flat-out, to not be who I have stayed as, to not cry, ANYMORE
Would AN INSTITUTION LIKE you, UCL, HAVE EVER GODDAMN ACCEPTED GENETICALLY INFERIOR ME IN 2017 IF I HAD NOT CHANGED OUT OF and completely masked from the entire world my 'less smart-sounding' and 'less attractiveness-suggesting' original name 'AA' TO BEGIN WITH, IN THE SUMMER...
Ever since our exchange on the 9th of January 2015, your lingering influence has not entirely inadvertently destroyed and flared up my pscyhe to one far-out place which knows no end. Oh, yes, know this. I can never stop from here on with acting on what is my deepest driver...
Hey, YOU! Yeah, you, Mr J.O.M.P (hehe). SCREW YOUR HAUNTING WORDS to me when YOU DAMN WELL KNEW of the dark and ugly nature of what I was telling you in January 2015, AND YET you out of nowhere dug into your unhelpful, growth mindset-decapitating personal opinion of me
Today, I relinquish my ego.
If you at all care for me, I beg you to absorb and truly see my blatant truths which this thread starting with this post makes clear. Please take in the tragedy of this essence to my lagged life since the 22nd of August 2013, when I chose the wrong combination of A-Levels for me.
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