Devil's Advocate ๐ณ๏ธโ๐
@AdvocateToDevil
chosen by a higher power to help you regret your stupid decisions. Slowly realizing that I may in reality be a parody. Maybe we're ALL parodies?! ๐ฅธ
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Don't worry about the "drones," people. They're harmless. They're not even drones! They're just the machines that "they" use to control the weather. They've ALWAYS been there. Xo
Dunno why humans are so worked up about the election. The choice is simple. Do the research, use your head, and consider which candidate you'd feel comfortable leaving your daughter alone in a room with. See? Easy! See ya soon! Xo
Down in "hell," one of the geniuses decided to make ELEVATORS one of the scariest things to some humans (for so many reasons) while also designing it to be the safest form of motor travel that exists. (True) Xo
Btw, you're welcome. We're doing GREAT right now. Everyone down here is really happy with the results. FYI, body language is quack science. Love ya! Xo
This planet is a big ball of shit full of shitty people who walk around pretending to be good people. But you and I know better, don't we? See you soon! Xo
Poop is your butts way of telling you how heathy you actually are. Poop. Poop. All the stupid shit you humans worship, and it all comes down to poop! Ah hahahaahaa! Poop! Xo
The longer a person is a piece of shit, the easier it is for that person to remain a piece of shit. Xo
When I tell you to go fuck yourself, you are invited to assume that I'm suggesting you engage in more self-care, which is so very important these days. So, please, do go fuck yourself! Love ya! Xo
When a devil whispers in your ear, exercise caution. When a G-d whispers in your ear, seek medical attention 'cause you may be fucking banana pants nuts. This has been a Public Safety Announcement! See ya soon, ya dumb fucks. Love ya! Xo
Tips for stupid humans. 57.) Rounding the total to the next dollar on the restaurant check does not constitute leaving a tip. Your server lives off of those tips. Give 'em cash. Don't be a dick. #batouttahell See ya soon! Xo
Tips! 58.) Keep your fucking hands to yourself. That statement encompasses a lot. Like, don't ever ask to sit next to the girl who's eating alone at a Panera. It's weird. Leave her alone. K'doke, see ya soon then I'm OUT, BITCHES! Countdown #batouttahell Xo
New series! Why not? Let's count down to my twitter, (I'm not calling it X, that's dumb), oblivion together! Here's some tips to help you live your stupid human life. 59.) NEVER loan money to someone who wears nicer shoes than you. See you real soon. Xo
Fuck. I'm about 60 posts away from a perfect send-off number. ๐ I may post more. However, the content will be shit. So...more of the same, really. See ya soon! And then I'm fucking out of here! Xo
I'm pretty much done with "the platform formerly known as twitter." (That'll last.) It's just too toxic. And I like toxic! But not ALL the toxic. I'll be moving to another platform and honestly probably recycling my past content in the hopes of getting a chuckle. See you soon! Xo
So I go off for a few minutes, and all of a sudden, Twitter is now X?! What's that about? Is it just literally morphing slowly over time into a proper swastika? Nice, Elon. Real nice. The chosen are gonna notice that shit, mister smarty-farts! So, clean it up! See you soon. Xo.
I want to say that #mentalhealth is one of the most important forms of health you should try to achieve. Unless you're already bat-shit crazy, at which point this post is useless because you're probably working on your manifesto. See you soon! Xo
When attempting to solve riddles, gathering facts is secondary to training your mind to be more flexible in how it thinks. Then you die. See you soon! Xo
Just a reminder: It's all crap. All of it. Nothing really, REALLY matters. In fifty years, you'll probably be dead. In a few billion years, the sun will die, taking this solar system with it. Nothing is permanent. So, maybe don't sweat the little shit. See ya soon! Xo
Tips for successfully working in management: Delegate, delegate, delegate. Also, know your tone. Don't be an asshole. Oh, and keep your fucking hands to yourself. See you soon! Xo
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