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It's daylight savings, and I'm a little dyslexic, so I just turned my cock black an hour.
Instead of saying "I'm going to be honest," people should say, "I'm about to say something shitty."
STAND-UP COMEDY defined...'Success thru levels of built up failure'
@grandeniam you're sad because you don't look like Emma Watson? So are all your exes.
I prefer girls who enjoy reading. It takes the stress out of breaking up with them via text.
During a meeting at work today, someone asked me to define foreshadowing. "The skin that covers the tip of the shadow" was not correct.
Blackout at the superbowl?! #racist #superbowl #SupeBowlBeyonce
See what happens when everyone gets rights. The #Superbowl in New Orleans, with a team from SF, HT show by beyonce. Who's next, the Jews?
The only thing I hate about the #superbowl is when people keep telling me what they're going to be doing instead of watching the #superbowl.
Ontario: turn off the real news and tune in to us! An all-new super-funny episode of 22 coming up at 8:30. Who's ready to laugh?
Thank you for the recent RTs & mentions, @artsedmonton @catromano @museumspec @OdysseyTheMusic @Mindseyestudio @AlbertaHumorist
Tonight: Women besides Demi Moore allowed in combat. #GIJane #neverforget 11/10c.
How do you tell a four-month-old they are fat without hurting their feelings?
If I ever kill myself I'm going to frame my neighbor's cat for murder.
Check out the Poets' Haven Reading Series, every monday at Upper Crust in Edmonton. strollofpoets.com #yegarts #yegwriting #yegpoetry
The REEL Challenge Contest – @cfccreates - Win $7,500 for the most innovative & dynamic animation or comedic short bit.ly/Vm3tts
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