There's only one true way to a man's heart... Through his liver. #alcoholproblemz
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer. I saw the video. We need to talk...
To show your appreciation for Father's Day, next time you take your dad's alcohol, leave a little money in the fridge
Wrestler Andre the Giant set the world record for the most alcohol consumed, he drank 156 beers in a single sitting.
"Do not take this drug if you have arthritis, cannot sit or stand for..." Ok... "Do not take this drug with alcohol" NOOO!!!
You're not really drunk inless u sotp bakin spebd hgolzp
Finding random water bottles hidden somewhere in your house. #alcoholproblemz
Deciding to not drink as much.. Tomorrow... #alcoholproblemz
Measuring sports games in terms of how many beers you've had instead of what quarter it is. #alcoholproblemz
If you get 3 separate calls begging you to "return the goat," you drank too much. #alcoholproblemz
If Jack Daniels stock rises 2 points after your night of heavy drinking, you drank too much. #alcoholproblemz
If you shouldn't drink and drive then why did you need a driver's license to buy alcohol? #alcoholproblemz #drunkLogic
“@UberFacts: People who sleep more have a higher alcohol tolerance.” Explains why I sleep 12 hours a day
#WeAllGotThatOneFriend who has terrible drunk goggles. #alcoholproblemz
It only takes one drink to get me drunk. I just can't remember if it's the 10th or 11th. #alcoholproblemz
Just realized you can get 5 cents if you recycle your beer cans. Also just realized I could be $1000 richer. #alcoholproblemz
Drunk Logic: Fuck it, I'll deal with the problems this causes tomorrow. #alcoholproblemz
Go to the medicine cabinet. Only thing there is a bottle of Jack Daniels. #alcoholproblemz
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