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Andy from Accounting

@Andy_Works

I was late to the office today.


Bing is my primary search engine.


Karen keeps showing me pictures of her stepson. He looks like her, but still full of life.


I'm like an office plant. Under watered. Slowly dying.


God is a spreadsheet. The devil is a pdf.


I’d be more worried about carpal tunnel if I had any other use for my hands.


I named my stapler after my dead father. Amadeus.


No one would come to my goodbye drinks.


I sit at my computer and refresh my email. God has indeed forgotten me.


In the past seven years, my job title has changed four times. My pay has remained the same.


I like the WWE because I fantasize about being body slammed through my desk


Jill is going on maternity leave. I asked if I could use her desk in the meantime. She declined.


Every day I look at my drafts folder. Reread my resignation letter. Close the tab.


I saw my boss kiss his secretary. They saw me. Then they kept going.


My healthcare deductible is $400,000.


Mark bumped into me getting off the elevator. It’s the most human contact I’ve had since my wife died.


Death is the ultimate quitting time.


The only time I feel a rush is when I’m bcc’d.


I heard an intern tell the receptionist that she feels bad for me.


I sat in the bathroom for 2 hours today.


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