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Everything about teething fucking sucks. Except for frozen bagels. Those rock. More poppy seeds, lady!
Happy fucking New Year, I guess. Mom's champagne won't get to me until tomorrow.
I'm flying first fucking class today! What shall I drink? The finest Cambodian breast milks, of course. Chappelle's Show what what??
I fucking hate the Miami #Heat. Why are they off to such a good start? And why do the #Wizards suck harder than me on a boob?
Babies don't wait 45 minutes at a restaurant. We are above that shit. Private room, beyotch!
You know what I hate? Naps. Fuck that shit. #babies #pregnancy #parenting
Not gonna lie. Presents fucking rock when you are six months old. I wanna make MORE NOISE!! #parenting #babies #xmas
Jesus Christ, why didn't the Baltimore #Ravens CRUSH the Browns? I can play better QB...and I'm a damn baby #nfl #babies #dadchat
Why does everyone want to dress me up as a fucking elf? I'm a baby, not a creepy toy-making little person with pointy ears #xmas #babies
Effin A!!! RT @mikeschaffer: Are you following @BabyProfanity? What babies are actually thinking! #moms #dads #awesome
Mommy and Daddy took me to lunch today. What did they order me? 2 things. Jack and Shit. Six month olds are people, too. #funny #moms #dads
Motherfucker. Why would I want a bottle when I usually have mom's boob? Growing up sucks. #babies #parenting #moms
Shit. My mom's sick. Breast milk shouldn't taste like dirty, dirty nachos. #babies #parenting #momchat #funny
HOLY FUCK, it's cold out here! Let me back in, Mommy!
Please follow my REAL account @mikeschaffer for more #parenting talk. @TTCDad will be shutting down soon! #dads #moms
#TrueBlood and #Parenting - A match made at night! http://bit.ly/ilVYq2
Want your dog to LOVE your baby? Here's 8 steps to success!! http://bit.ly/mxqntU #pets #dogs #Mom2 #daddybloggers
A Breastfeeding Panel of Dads: http://bit.ly/m2avPB via @bravadodesigns cc @bravadomama #breastfeedingadvice #dads
Welcome to the world, Hava! (I'm a #dad!) http://bit.ly/mKQVOe
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