#3: Never be afraid to criticize a writer who is more successful than you--especially on Twitter. You'll get all the attention you want.
#2: Don't bother to edit or proofread any public posts, tweets or updates. No one is paying attention to anything you say, anyway.
#1: Always use mangled syntax. This way, no one can understand what you mean and you can always accuse her of being a bad reader.
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