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u should be able to order a chocolate chip cookie medium rare
Losing the voting rights bill and getting woke M&Ms instead feels about right
2019: avoid negative people 2020: avoid positive people 2021: avoid people 2022: a void
[me arriving late to things] sorry supply chain problems
Having a pet is so therapeutic cause you’ll be in a bad mood & you’ll look over & they’re just sitting there being all cute & it’s like you know what, you’re right
A Supreme Court where 5 of 6 conservative justices were appointed by GOP presidents who initially lost popular vote & confirmed by senators representing minority of Americans are taking away voting rights & reproductive rights from millions of Americans. This is not democracy
I want to have a party where everyone brings their favorite Trader Joe’s product and a joint
Blue Lives Matter - except Jan. 6th Tough on terrorists- except white nationalists My body, my choice! - for masks & vaccines only Cancel culture’s bad - except when I do it Deport undocumented - except my nanny No big govt - except banning private business requiring proof of vax
dog: *in tears* i was barking but- judge: take ur time dog: he still went to work jury: *audible gasp*
Domestic partnerships: mostly interrupting your partner to force them to look at your shared pet. You do this as if it were an emergency. You do this with a raised voice and an unpleasant intensity. Pet looks the same as yesterday and five minutes ago. That doesn’t matter. Look.
There are a lot of Jane Fonda moments to love but this is my favorite
is it bad if i’m basically half that age and literally have jolly ranchers in my purse at this very moment?
what candy are you gonna carry around in your purse when you hit 70? mines gonna be jolly ranchers
“why don’t you have your camera on?” me:
Tonight’s sunset gave a nice little glow to this lovely stretch of #SantaCruz coastline... 📷 | Ben Ingram Visuals
every day seth rogen wakes up, logs onto twitter, shows everyone the cool vase he made today and then simply bullies ted cruz to death and i just want to say i’m very proud of him
![nclemons763's profile picture. 31. [SINGLE]. I love TR∆P muzik. I love sushi. Football and hockey are my favorite sports. Follow my DJ page: @ION_NATION18 #DJIØN 🐎🏈](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/956595658093486080/ZcneZu4u.jpg)
United States Trends
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- 3. Crew-12 N/A
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- 19. Jill Scott N/A
- 20. Goldman Sachs N/A
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