Boo
@BooTheCat
The Right Honorable Bookins McFluffyPants, Ambassador Plenipotentiary of the Cat Planet
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I must remain ever vigilant. Doubtless they are building an army of tiny soldiers who will bite my tail. Time will tell. END TRANSMISSION.
Fortunately, the training seems to have been a failure. I can still easily elude the miniature human's efforts to capture me.
No doubt they were conducting some sort of field training with the miniature human, who continues to pursue me relentlessly.
The humans, meanwhile apparently visited some sort of facility located in a place they refer to as "Indy-yana," wherever the devil that is.
Instead, I tended to my ambassadorial duties, such as absorbing sunlight, working to wipe out the shoelace menace and replying to my e-mail.
Unfortunately, this was enough of a distraction that I was unable to perform any additional research on doomsday devices as I'd planned.
The humans attempted abandoning me for ten days. They left behind surrogates to provide me with sustenance.
It took me WEEKS to reverse engineer the network password. Do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to do this WITHOUT OPPOSABLE THUMBS?!?
My cursed humans. I finally regained access to my Twitter account and my humans changed the network WPA key again.
I retreat to my secret lair so I may get myself clean *correctly* by licking myself for hours. END TRANSMISSION.
Too soon for Natalie Wood jokes? Alright, same joke with Percy Shelley then. I suppose I have survived, but my dignity has not.
Blast! Shot was wide right! It's too late for me. In the immortal final words of Natalie Wood, "Blurbbleglurrrblllllbrrblbrlbbrrrblurble…"
I knew it! IT'S A TRAP! They've already got a bath drawn! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! SEND HELP!
Why are my humans being so nice? Something about this doesn't feel right…
Test #3 appeared to show some response from the human, but not the desired effect. (I was shooed off the sofa.) I must continue my research.
Subject is on to the second Swiss Cake Roll. I must hurry. Begin test #3, the final test. "GIVE THE CAT YOUR SWISS CAKE ROLL…uh…please?"
Subject unmoved. Begin test #2. "GIVE THE CAT YOUR SWISS CAKE ROLL, PUNY HUMAN."
Testing my new telepathic array. Range is limited and I must stare at my subject for it to work. Ahem. "GIVE ME YOUR SWISS CAKE ROLL."
Ugh. All I want is for someone to PET ME. Please, oh please, just scratch my head. Why is everyone ignoring me? PAY ATTENTION TO THE CAT!
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