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Got invited to a 'no loads refused' party, gunna get SO much laundry done!! 🤗🤗🤗
Asked my mom if she took Tylenol when she was pregnant with me. She said she melted it down, used a syringe and jabbed herself in the belly to inject it directly into my brain
How many cigarettes do you have to smoke to have one of those really magical/romantic cigarette experiences? Because I'd like to smoke precisely that many and then stop.
You could take a photo of a woman with the flu on the toilet holding a puke bucket and people would say she "stuns". How come I'm never allowed to stun? What, I'm not stunning?
WOULD YOU RATHER live in a (real) haunted house OR live in a house with a person in the walls who sneaks out when you're gone and eats your food?
How come when you put peanuts in your mouth and chew them up it doesnt turn to peanut butter
I got 2 separate Donkey Kong Bananza spoilers today from youtube thumbnails even though the game isn't out till tomorrow. Why are people so fucking inconsiderate??
My penis is actually normal
Americans seem to hate California. Mexicans on the other hand, seem to love California. So I say we let em have it, whos with me
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