Buddy Code
@BuddyCode
I am a black lab pup that my owner Matt saved from an Amish hell. He's so nice, even when he dresses like a woman. Oops, gotta go- I just pooped in the house.
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If I had a dollar for every time I saw my owner get laid… I’d have the same amount of money I have right now. #50YearOldVirgin #CodeRedRocket
I just fucked the neighbor in front of his best friend. And the best friend was the dog. #BuddyCodeDontGiveAfuck
I just puked up my owners seed. Oh wait, no I didn’t. He shoots blanks.
It’s my owner’s birthday so I feel compelled to tweet, despite my lack of opposable thumbs. Happy bday, Matt, you cranky old fuck! I think today I won’t even vomit on your shoes. Tomorrow though? Gonna jam my paw down my throat and spew all over your clean laundry just for fun.
The biggest loser this Christmas is my owner Matt. No, he didn’t get any coal in his stocking... but he did get a bloody canine dump under the tree. That’ll teach you to pass out drunk before taking me for a walk, you absolute prick. #SorryNotSorry #CodeBrown #MerryDumpmas
Question for a friend- can you get doggy gonorrhea from an irresponsibly careless owner?
Matt Code beats his meat to pictures of me as a puppy. #Problematic
Sitting on the floor, looking up at my pathetic owner in nothing but tighty whities, weeping loudly while he strums a worthless acoustic guitar. I know I’m supposed to be man’s best friend, but Matt Code- ladies and gents- is NO man. Fuck this. #FogOfWar #BlackLabProblems
Matt Code hasn’t walked me in months. Partly because he’s busy being a dad. Partly because he’s so old he can barely get around anymore. Either way, this entire house smells like my anus. #ShitHappens #DustCum #Rochester #BlackLab
My owners blanks shoot blanker than my own, and I don’t have any testicles. #SansSperm
Wow, this tweet came quicker than I expected.
For years I have stayed away from Twitter because there was very little positivity. I will stay completely away from cynicism and destructive words. I hope to bring a spirit of optimism, which is so needed today.
The only thing uglier than my owner Matt Code’s genitalia is his football team. How would I describe the #Bills in one word? “WOOF!” #AnAlarmingFranchise #FogofFootball
Living as a dog in the Code family sure is “Ruff”! Get it? “Ruff”? Cuz I’m a dog? Seriously though, he abuses me sexually every day. Help.
My owner got a little older today. Spoiler alert- his ejaculate is still made of dust. #Viagra
Only fitting that the human pile of trash himself has moved back to the home of the famous #GarbagePlate. Like Pizza the Hut in Space Balls, it seems Matt Code is destined to die of self-consumption. #FogOfMalnutrition
I may have moved out of #Astoria and up to #Rochester, but I definitely left a dump the size of my owner’s Giant head in the living room of our old apartment. Can’t wait to do the same in our new place. #FuckCode
My partner in crime Riley just left Matt a slimy surprise in her diaper for when his lazy ass finally gets out of bed. You're fucked, Code!
I just had to feed Riley while my owner reaches hour number three on the shitter. That man has serious intenstinal issues. #RochesterDiet
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