Funny Tweets
@CaptionLaugh
Is your new years resolution to work out? Well then come here because laughing is good for your abs! :D
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I have a date tonight...with my bed. We're totally gonna sleep together
I fell off a 100ft ladder today..... Luckily I was on the bottom step.
Waiting on oomf to text back 1min 2mins 3mins 4mins 5mins 6mins 7mins 8mins 9mins 10mins this hoe mu
You should always be yourself. Unless you discover you're an asshole, son.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it is called golf.
Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.
Hoes make niggas (cum) , bad bitches make niggas (come out they pockets) & a REAL WOMAN makes a nigga come HOME
Me: "Dad, how does it feel having an awesome son?" Dad: "I don't know, ask your grandpa."
There's a special place in Hell reserved for people who use hashtags on Facebook.
The Female Language: No = Yes, Maybe = No, We Need = I Want, We Need To Talk = I Want to Complain. I Don't Care = I Most Certainly Do.
Every girl has that one guy she goes back to, heartbreak after heartbreak and nobody knows why, not even her. And she just can't let go.
Two things to remember: Don't make decisions when you're angry, and don't make promises when you're happy.
Yelling random numbers when someones counting. You are truly cruel!
Admit it. None of us know how to play Minesweeper. We just click randoms boxes.
If you ignore me, I will ignore you. If you don't start the conversation, we won't talk. If you don't put in the effort, why should I?
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