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It’s shocking how unlikable the lead characters are in the new True Detective. It’s making me root for the evil murder cult to get away with it.
I love Mary because she’s 3000 miles from home ordering a “pop” from a confused Irish college kid when she wanted a can of Coke
Mary said she’d send me a recipe to make dinner and it was a TikTok with no ingredients, quantities, or instructions listed. She said “completely vibe based.”
I’m gonna have to explain to younger zoomers what movies were
J.J. Abrams describes his ‘HOT WHEELS’ movie as “emotional, grounded and gritty.” (Source: newyorker.com/magazine/2023/…)
Love that my dog destroyed the remote, changing the channel in the process, and now the TV is stuck on Fear Factor TV
Came home from my family Christmas to find Mary relaxing after a hard day’s work
Things Mary asked me today: “So what’s James Bond’s deal? Secret agent type??” “Waluigi isn’t a bad guy right? He’s just distasteful?”
A classic marriage trope: me pleading with Mary to let me use the tv to watch football, Mary telling me to wait for her to finish her compilation of Shirley Temple’s best tap dance performances
Mary made dinner tonight & unknowingly used 12 times the amount of spice the recipe called for. At first I said “nah it’s not that spicy” but then I physically couldn’t handle it anymore.
The year is 2063. An acquaintance from the Heat Belt (colloquially “The Wasteland”) asks me to sponsor their visa to join me in climate-safe Nation District 7. I remember their tweet from 2015 calling my home “flyover country.” “I’m sorry, my friend…”
J.J. Abrams describes his ‘HOT WHEELS’ movie as “emotional, grounded and gritty.” (Source: newyorker.com/magazine/2023/…)
I was just being myself at dinner and Mary cuts me off to say “Charlie? Respectfully - you’re gonna get us made fun of by teenagers.”
I spent less than 20 seconds struggling to get a grill in the car in the Home Depot parking lot before four completely separate middle aged men assembled to ask if I needed help. “Oh it’s never gonna fit that way.”
I know the honeymoon is over because Mary threw on Twilight last night. Not even talking about the acting/dialogue/special effects, the things that happen in that movie are INSANE. A pivotal scene of vampire baseball????
As soon as the words “I do” leave my mouth, my body will release the male pattern baldness toxins.
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