2AndAHalfMen
@CharlieHumour
Charlie Sheen is King. This parody Account is not affiliated with 2 And A Half Men or Charlie Sheen
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Alan: I'm in trouble. How do I get out of a stagnant relationship? Charlie: If I knew how to do that, you wouldn't still be living here.
Miss P: Son of a bitch: I gave you my heart, my soul, I gave you my body. And you just threw me aside like garbage. Charlie: Yeah, my bad.
Alan: Hey, those towels are very pretty. They brighten up the whole room. Charlie: They're gay, and they scream 'civil union'!
Berta: God takes care of drunks and fools, and C. Roscoe Harper is both.
Alan: Money doesn't just fall from the sky. Charlie: Obviously you've never been sitting ringside when a pole dancer hangs upside down.
Question: How long can you expect to date Charlie after you have sex with him? Answer: It depends how late you sleep the next morning.
Charlie: I'm babysitting. Berta: You? Charlie: Why not me? Berta: You're a rum-soaked degenerate.
RT If you think its true... #CharlieSheen > #ASStonKutcher .....#winning!!!
Charlie: Jack, it takes more than sex to make a woman happy, you also need money.
Cynthia: Hi, Jake, look how big you're getting. Jake: It's called puberty. Charlie: It's called donuts.
Curiosity found a "dazzling white rock" on Mars today, which scientists say is proof that Mars is capable of supporting Charlie Sheen.
Charlie: I'm telling you, Alan, one of these days that kid's gonna fart and birds are gonna fall out of the sky.
Alan: She looks up to me. She thinks I’m special. She thinks I’m smart. Charlie: She thinks gazpacho is Pinocchio’s father.
Jake: We had a surprise test today. Alan: And? Jake: I was really surprised.
Charlie: Rose was in my bedroom because she was tired. Jake: Uncle Charlie, I'm an underachiever, not an idiot.
Charlie: What do men have that women don't? Jake: Beards? Charlie: Lower. Jake: (in a lower voice) Beards?
Charlie: The day hasn't even started yet! Alan: It started for me. Charlie: That's only because you're on Douchebag Savings Time!
Alan: Obviously, we disagree about my role in this household. Charlie: We sure do. You think you have one, and I don't!
Charlie: Lets see, one Russian blonde, one Scottish brunet, and a full-bodied red head from Napa Valley... Charlie's Angels.
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