i'm hopeless. i tell myself i'm not going to be the one to engage, then wait for the slightest bit of attention. i hang on your every word.
i've committed betrayal without action and having had no control over it.
i'll likely never gather up the courage to come back here. even here. while secretly i hope they see it and know--that they've always known.
this is my pity party. "PITY ME. OH, PITY ME." i'm pathetic. i'm fucking pathetic.
nothing will ever fill the emptiness up. nothing. and it terrifies me.
i'm so ashamed and scared and disgusted with myself.
i made this so i could anonymously post how i feel and i still want to delete everything i am about to post.
i feel love so strongly for the first time in ages and it makes me hate myself.
it consumes my thoughts half of the time i'm awake--i can't find a way to distract myself. it haunts my dreams even more.
i'm obsessed. i can't stop thinking about it. i wish i could stop... but i don't want to.
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