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Me when I eat leftover spaghetti and lo mien for breakfast after drinking German beer all night
Politics is broadway for ugly people Don’t hate me because I’m a performer.
My wife just left me at the TGI Fridays in the Dallas airport @SpiritAirlines #newlow
I’ve never disliked someone more than your wife’s boyfriend (it’s @bts_bighit ) except for @FatalBlade3 in March of 2006
My good friend (former holder of the yr) always preaches “laces out, kicks in”. How the hell does Tommy not know the golden rule of holding?? Even my wife’s boyfriend who doesn’t watch sports knows that
What about that chitty-chat? He be keepin' that bread on him. I be keepin' my distance though, 'cause I heard the feds on him. I gotta go to work.
The fact that the President of the United States legitimately has 0 idea how gas prices work is totally fine and definitely not concerning in any way!
I have Shaq energy. (im going to dominate 42/14 in the post not pay for your meal)
How will this affect Lebron’s legacy?
I’m hearing conflicting reports, one says the Rock is in fact in the building. Others saying the dingo ate my baby. More at 11
Chocolate milk is insanely good. Just had some.
Nah this Gotham
To all the people smoking pot today: you may be high, but God is the Most High 🙏🏻🤲🧎🛐
Women will criticize me for watching Godzilla V Kong but this they favorite movie
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