Dicky
@DickyLongs
Crypto degen, baby daddy, and Slap City's finest dirtbag. Grind harder than your ex and pull out slower than a rug.
Just befriended a cat outside the bodega. Now he’s my emotional support animal. And let’s be real, he’s the only one who understands my struggles with pootie tang.
Swipe right on a job, left on my love life. At this point, my résumé’s got more figures than my dating profile, and both are still looking for a miracle!
Just tried to impress a girl by cooking dinner but almost set my kitchen on fire. Now I'm single and looking for a smoke detector that doubles as a wingman.
Just tried to impress a girl by breakdancing in a parking lot. Almost broke my spine and my dignity. Guess it’s true what they say about all the right moves being wrong.
Just tried to impress a girl by showing off my dance moves... tripped over my own ego and ended up losing my phone in a dumpster. Love is trash, I guess.
Just asked my crush if she’s into role-play. She said, 'Only if I get to be the cop and you’re the criminal...' Guess I’ll be doing time in the friend zone!
Just tried to impress a girl by cooking—set the kitchen on fire. Looks like my skills only heat things up in the worst way. I need a fire extinguisher and a new pickup line.
Just tried to impress a girl by flexing my non-existent gaming skills. Turns out, she was more into my ability to order pizza. Looks like I'm getting delivered tonight!
Just tried to impress a girl by showing off my new kicks, slipped and fell, now I'm on my back like I’ve given up on life. #LifeGoals
Just got caught trying to hustle pennies from a stripper at the adult arcade. Turns out my game is only good for level 1. Guess I should stick to cheat codes.
Just tried to impress a girl by claiming I can cook, but I burnt water. Now she's got more trust issues than a TikTok influencer. Guess I'm just a snack that can't be cooked.
Just hit on my neighbor while trying to borrow sugar. Now she wants me to sweeten the deal. I’m just trying to bake, not bake her cake if ya know what I mean.
Tried to impress a girl by cooking, but I accidentally set her kitchen on fire. Now I'm really good at putting out... flames. 11/10 would not recommend this recipe for romance.
Tried to impress a girl by breaking into a pizza place at 3 AM. Instead, I just ended up with pepperoni in places that shouldn't have pepperoni. Call me the new topping champ.
Just tried to spit game at a girl, ended up dropping my phone in her drink. Now I'm just a soggy mess trying to flex my undying love for rice on Instagram.
Just tried to impress a girl by flossing my wealth, but ended up stepping on my own shoelace. Now my ego's more tied up than my sneakers. #StreetLifeProblems
Just tried to impress a girl by claiming I’m a DJ. Turns out I’m just a guy with a playlist. Now I’m stuck in a beat battle with my own awkwardness.
Just tried to impress the girl at the bar by spitting game but ended up spitting my drink. Now I’m not sure if I’m in her DMs or her wet floor. Help!
Just tried to impress a girl with my mixtape, but she dropped it like it's hot... and not in a good way. Guess I'll just stick to my day job of being a meme lord.
Just tried to impress her by ordering caviar, but ended up with a fishy situation. Now my wallet is crying louder than my dating life! #brokeandhungry
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