Dotty Ellipsis
@DottyEllipsis
an American sharpshooter starring in Buffalo Bill's Wild West show
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1 kid in a car…27 child safety restraint laws. 55 kids on a bus…roam free ya precious bastards but no gum.
Human: we have a color named after you! Salmon: really? is it silvery blue like my outsides? Human: no, uh– Salmon: wait why is it pink? Human: ... Salmon: WHY IS IT PINK
Shout out to all the parents whose kids are going to wake up at 4:30am instead of 5:30am this weekend while all you childless people brag about another hour of sleep. Fuck you, Daylight Savings.
why do we always skip from pumpkin spice latte straight to peppermint mocha? why don’t we ever get the sweet potato pie Frappuccino? or the cranberry sauce macchiato? or stuffing seasoned latte?
On this day in history: "None pizza with left beef" was first posted on October 19th, 2007.
crazy that u can have a job where u are responsible for saving a human life or u can have a job where u need to send an email but dont
When I heard “woods” I immediately think murder. But when I hear “forest” it’s all woodland creatures and fairies so don’t tell me words don’t matter
You discover a populated island. You may parachute in one doctor. Otherwise it’s fully stocked and staffed. But you only get one doctor, and they have to do everything. Who do you send? That’s what I thought. #traumasurgrules
They gotta start naming storms after lawmakers who block environmental regulations.
I bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
Good morning to everyone except my child who created another load of poop laundry first thing this morning. I’ve already got a poop load in the dryer and a vomit load in the washer. This wasn’t in the parenting books.
Great—my horse has worms and the pharmacy is out of everything except COVID vaccines.
The human brain is incredible. It’s capable of both engineering a life saving mRNA vaccine and deciding that anti-parasitic cattle paste is a better option. Just unbelievable range.
Was just called down to Human Resources. Apparently replying "Unsubscribe" to every email I get is frowned upon.
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