Feces Is Shit
@FecesIsShit
Cooking turtle soup is not easy, it seems cause turtles can swim. Licensed generic sound effect maker. Is that shit I smell good sir? Speak French in German
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Polio and smallpox never reached natural herd immunity. They were eradicated by vaccines.
Just watched my ex’s story from the chipotle account 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Instead of saying the right thing, do the right thing.
Where do you go when the person you go to is gone
Seriously how is Nevada taking this long -- it's two cities and a lot of desert. Are the scorpions having problems with their mail-in ballots or something
If he puts anchovies on pizza, he’ll eat ass.
If you're feeling down lately it's probably because you haven't acquired a sufficient number of consumer products.
Walking around my house like "who the fuck closed last night?!"
King of the Hill doesn’t get the same love and recognition as other animated shows from the same era like The Simpsons, Family Guy, and Futurama, even though it was actually a far superior show. Yeah. You heard me.
Remember Kids, if you’re a Dumbass ... and I can’t stress this enough ... Do Not attempt to Fry a Turkey.
My husband asked me what I would do if he won the lottery. I told him I’d take half and leave him. That’s when he said “great”, handed me $12 and my packed suitcase.
My dog asked me to tell you "woof woof". She said you'd know what that means.
I just got unfollowed by a girl I've followed for like four years and all I could think was FINALLY WE CAN END THIS SHAM
Please God let Trump tweet about it
It’s not a real relationship till you’ve apologized through a windshield, from the hood of a moving car.
[walking into the office] Sheila, a coworker: you look really tired this morning Me: must be all the wild sex I had with your Dad last night, Sheila
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