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The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
The three stages of sex in marriage: tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
Suicide is belated acquiescence in the opinion of one’s wife’s relatives.
Sorry I cannot be at wedding…please send me a photo of the bride and groom mounted.
Sorry I can’t make your wedding, I’m half full under the table.
Some women marry men thinking they’d be real comforters, only to discover they were merely wet blankets.
Sign in a marriage counselor’s window: “Out To Lunch – Think It Over.”
She offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.
Say to the groom, “Your bride will now expect a mink.” Then to the bride, “You know how women get minks? …the same way minks get minks!”
Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they’re entitled to a little fun first.
Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whiskey makes you Frisky, but it’s a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.
Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.
My wife says if I go fishing one more time she’s going to leave me. Gosh, I’m going to miss her.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gawd, I miss him!
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