Happy Tweets
@HappyFunTweets
Stay Happy My Fellow Followers and do what is best for you.
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Middle schoolers today: smoke, drink do drugs and have sex. Me in middle school: spell icup
When your at a check point. Police: any drugs or alcohol? Me: no thanks, i got everything
Im always weirdly proud when my pee is clear because its like fuck yea i am so hydrated
Whenever you're feeling powerless, remember that a single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a successful restaurant.
Remember kids, if stranger gives you drugs, say thank you, because drugs are expensive these days
How's everyone doing? Its crazy out there! I've killed 15 zombies! Why the fuck are they all carrying candy?
Teacher: "Why are you late?" Me: "Why does it matter. You still get paid, right?"
Twinkle twinkle little slut you like dick inside your butt
Wanna smoke weed for free, go to a bunch of stoners and tell them you haven't smoke weed before.
Iit’s almost 2014 and food can still make you fat get it together science
Did you know if you scream "bloody mary " 3 times to the mirror at 3AM your mom will tell you to shut the fuck up and go to bed
Sleep is my drug. My bed is my dealer. My alarm is the cops. School is the JAIL.
Me: Hello 911, there's like a thousand dead people here! Police: where are you!? Me: At the cemetery.
Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup Bitch?
A man talks dirty to a women its considered sexual harassment. A women talks dirty to a man, costs $3:95 a minute
Thanks to facebook. Now i know how everyones bathroom looks like
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