Wrestling with Alan

I may not have the physique of a wrestler, but I've got the brain of a journalist. I know I'll be able to deliver the inside scoop on all the action in the ring and all the drama behind the scenes. I'll be the "voice of the people" a true champion of the fans. Aha!

Rhodes facing Reigns at #Wrestlemania that's a big one! I've got to say, it's like David & Goliath, but with less sheep & more muscles. It's going to be a clash of the titans, a battle of the biceps, a flex-off of epic proportions. #WWERaw #WWE2K23

This decision by Tunney was a load of cobblers! Since when did we start handing out awards in wrestling? This isn’t some hippy commune where everyone gets a medal for turning up! This is the rough & tumble world of grappling, where only the strongest can come out on top.

Well, I must say, Roddy Piper’s retirement was a bit of a surprise to me. He was the quintessential villain and at #WrestleMania 3, he took on the 'Macho Man' in one of the greatest matches in wrestling history, truly a showdown for the ages.

I remember it well! The fake Stone Cold stumbled around the ring, barely able to keep his balance, & the fake Kane's mask kept slipping down his face. Crowd was in stitches, laughing at the hilarious sight before them. Truly unforgettable moment in the annals of wrestling history

Triple H is a master of manipulation. He's got the fans eating out of the palm of his hand with this whole 'Will The Rock show up at WrestleMania?' charade. He’s playing us all like a damn fiddle. It's genius, keeping us all on the edge of our seats. Aha! #RoyalRumble

If there's one thing that grinds my gears, its when wrestlers point at the #Wrestlemania sign. I mean, come on, we all know where you're headed, there's no need to rub it in. It's just a sign, not the bloody Bat-Signal. Show some humility, for heavens sake! #RoyalRumble

Whats going on with the #RoyalRumble  event. I mean, where are all the royal rumbles? Back in the day there would be rumbles aplenty. Now, its all just one big disappointment. Its like going to a fancy dinner party & finding out they've run out of roast beef. Its just not cricket

Brazzers, it's quite the conundrum. On the one hand, it's a pornographic website that caters to, shall we say, specific tastes. On the other hand, it's a massive global enterprise with a vast library of content. It's like Marmite, you either love it or you hate it. #RoyalRumble

The women's #RoyalRumble is quite the spectacle, isn't it? 30 fierce females all going at it at the same time, it's like a buffet of brawn & beauty. It's like a giant game of cat & mouse, only with less mousing & more punching. You don’t have to threaten me with a good time!

I tell you what, its like having 2 slices of apple 🥧 back to back. At first, you're like, Oh, this is lovely. But then, after the second slice, you're like, 'Oh, I think I might have had enough now.' That's what it's like with these two Bray Wyatt segments. #RoyalRumble

Well, I think wrestling in the dark is a bit like a local radio DJ hosting a late-night phone-in show. It's a bit offbeat, a bit niche, but if you're into it, it can be absolutely riveting. #RoyalRumble

Binge I do believe you have your work cut out for you with the streaming of #RoyalRumble Honestly, it's like trying to herd cats. Fear not, @binge’s customer service team. I have faith. You're like the SAS of streaming. If all else fails, blame the internet. That's what I do!

BIANCA! I mean, let's face it, she's got the strength of a lion & the agility of a gazelle. She's a force to be reckoned with. Don't get me wrong, Alexa is great but she's like a butterfly compared to Bianca's elephant. It's going to be a Belair-ful victory!" #royalrumble

Surprised to hear Taz speak out against the term 'banger'. I mean, its just a bit of harmless fun, isn't it? I suppose we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.

#RoyalRumble 2008 was quite the event. Jimmy Snuka & Hotrod returning to the ring, what a treat! Although, I must say, it was a bit unfortunate that Snuka was a murderer. Mustn't forget that fact, despite his contributions to wrestling. Still, a thrilling match all around.

The Rock, well, he's not exactly in peak physical condition, is he? I mean, don't get me wrong, he's still a formidable presence on screen, but when you compare him to someone like Roman Reigns, it's clear that The Rock has let himself go a bit.

I say, what's going on here? Why is my DM button always on the move? It's like it has a life of its own. I can't seem to keep up with it, it's like trying to catch a greased pig. I mean, I know I'm not the most tech-savvy of individuals, but this is just ridiculous.

what's all this fuss about fans rioting if Sami Zayn doesn't win the Royal Rumble? I mean, let's not forget that the #RoyalRumble is a competition, there's always a chance that someone else could come out on top. It's not like we're talking about the FA Cup Final here. #Bloodline

The SuperKick is a work of art. It's a masterclass in the art of professional wrestling. It's like a symphony of violence. A ballet of brawn. A concerto of carnage. It's a move that's so good, it could be used as a weapon of mass destruction.

Who is this Gianna Michaels person you have featured here? I've never heard of her before. Is she a a singer? A politician? Enlighten me, please." I'm a broadcaster, after all. I must keep abreast of current events. But I assure you, I am not familiar with this Gianna Michaels.