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Heimish Humor

@HeimishHumor

Don't do this.

HeimishHumor's tweet image. Don't do this.

I like on EL AL flights when you lock the bathroom instead of saying Occupied it says Judea and Samaria.


There's a time in every Jewish child's life when they stick their finger into a yahrtzeit memorial plaque hole, and for a brief moment they pass on to the other side and get a glimpse of Hashem.


"We could save America if we could just get rid of all the doctors, scientists, inventors, high tech innovators, Nobel Prize Winners, and bagel makers."


"Hey Rebecca, could you get me a beer, and maybe ten more for my friends?" "Get it yourself Isaac."


Dang, you're so woke you should be saying Modeh Ani.


Ephron was a caveman.


Eliezer: "Rebecca, thank you for letting me drink from your bucket." Rebecca: "I'll also get some water for your camels." Eliezer: "Eww, you use that bucket for camels too?!"


Yeah, that's what happened.

HeimishHumor's tweet image. Yeah, that's what happened.

I'm starting to think all the years of holocaust education was primarily meant to teach Jews the warning signs so we know when to get out if they ever try it again.


How do we know they smoked cigarettes at Rivka's engagement party? The Torah says Eliezer brought ten camels.


What mountain in Israel has the best breath? Mt. Scopus


Every Friday afternoon I play the game, Can I Make a Whole Shabbos Meal in Under an Hour?


Girl: "I thought you said he looked divine?" Shadchan: "No, I said bovine."

HeimishHumor's tweet image. Girl: "I thought you said he looked divine?"
Shadchan: "No, I said bovine."

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