Luci- Receptionist
@HellsPASystem
Since nobody down here actually listens to their pages, the administration has decided to use Twitter for public notices.
Ammit to the gates, please. Ammit to the gates. Your groomer is here.
Anyone traveling to Dis must pick up mirrored glasses at the gates before visiting. Medusa has created far too many statues recently.
Residents of Circle 5: The semiannual dredging of the Styx begins next Wednesday @ 11:00. Your temporary housing will be in Dis. Suck it up.
Persephone, please dial the extension for the gates. Your mother has called 8 times today, and I'm out of excuses.
If anyone has seen Charon's glasses, please return them ASAP. He's already fallen into the Styx three times.
Those would like to see the movies but are trapped in some form of eternal torment need to contact the administration for permission forms.
Tonight's movies: The Silence of the Lambs, O Brother Where Art Thou, and The Exorcist. Movies will be shown in the Games room.
Monday: There will be a mandatory seminar on the dangers of drinking the Lethe. Drinking from the Lethe will not excuse you from the event.
Osiris, Lilith, and Loki: please contact the Games Room to finalize your competition in next week's poker tournament.
Odysseus, please dial the extension for the Elysian Fields. You have a call holding from Calypso and a package waiting from Circe.
Ma'at to the gates, please. Ma'at to the gates. Maintenance is here to recalibrate your scales.
Attention Circle 2 and Circle 8.1: There is a speed-dating event tonight in Erebus. Contact the gates for more information.
Tonight's movies: Dogma at 9:00, Oh God! You Devil at 10:00, Rosemary's Baby at 11:00.
Would the owner of a 3-headed dog please come to the gates? Name tag reads "Cerb." He keeps trying to eat entering souls.
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