Job Interview Tips
@How2GetDaJob
So, you've reached the interview stage of your job search? Well these tips gathered from across the internet will help you knock it out of the park!
قد يعجبك
Never break eye contact for any reason, blinking is a sign of weakness.
Saying they'll call you later is just a polite rejection. Approach them menacingly with your chest out and say "I'm here right now, baby."
Tell them you won't need lunch hour because you're powered by results, then make motorboat noises for about eight minutes.
Show you’re a fast learner by wearing an L plate round your neck & a Usain Bolt face-mask. Don’t speak. They’ll get it.
Be confident but subtle. Tap 'team player' in Morse code on the desk with a pen.
Say "I hope to become part of the furniture here." Then crouch into a ball pretending to be a pouffe and never move again.
If you're meeting 3 interviewers bring a 4 finger Kitkat. Take charge of distributing Kitkat to emphasize leadership.
When they ask if you got here all right, reply “I always succeed in getting to where I’m going” then punch a nearby door.
When asked if you want anything to drink, say "Just a glass of job please!" Then laugh for 15 minutes. No less.
Open your shirt to reveal a Superman 'S' and say "Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's increased productivity."
Tattoo your limitations down one arm. Interviewers admire honesty.
If your interviewer is mixed-race, attempt to guess the ratio of their ethnicity to show your cultural sensitivity.
Wear a sock puppet on one hand, make it whisper in your ear and say "What's that, Mr Wuzzles? I seem ideal for this job?"
Show you're good at delegating responsibility by sending someone else to the interview.
If you are asked to leave it's likely just a test. Back into a corner and swing a chair defensively at any who approach.
Make a point of mentioning you failed Religious Studies and say "The only thing I worship is productivity!" Two thumbs up.
Come dressed a mailman and explain how you'll "push the envelope". Insert an envelope into the mouth of your interviewer.
Midway through the interview ask "Is it just me or am I on fire?" Set your shirt alight with a match and begin doing the worm.
Be confident. After answering each question kiss your fist and say "nailed it" to yourself.
To demonstrate the diversity you'll bring to the office, attempt a different accent for each sentence.
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