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If you could turn off depression tweets, I'd have to make decisions on a day-to-day basis.
I bet none of you can't imitate my voicemail message as well as I do when I accidentally answer.
How long can you be right on the verge of sneezing? I think I'm on day six now.
If you're right all the time it must be comforting to know there's always someone left out there to prove wrong.
When did the internet become all about telling me I've done everything wrong all my life?
You know when you're at the stage when you just stare into the screen and circle the pointer around? You do? Well, that's comforting.
Sarah Palin must have just assumed we'd already tweeted everything we can possibly tweet about her a long time ago. She was wrong.
Hold it right there. You need to fill out this eye contact form first.
I got Uber on my phone now. Guess you could say I'm a bit of a prepper.
Sometimes it's a little frustrating that "How come you're overweight when you're vegan?" is not considered polite conversation.
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