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3 1/2 years after opening my account, I still can't figure out why tweeting is so popular #hashtagismorefuntosay #itsactuallyapoundsign
"@TFLN: (530): My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week soo, no. Not good." @lanceloftus I'm not the only 1 who enjoys dipping sugar in sugar!
Is it weird that I like popcorn in my tomato soup? They are like light, fun croutons #tasteslikecollege
Rockefeller ice skating rink opens today...ice skating+huge Christmas trees+New York snow= #bucketlist @lanceloftus
Young Jimmy Fallon & Justin Timberlake Sing At Summer Camp (Late Night w...: youtu.be/S9F86cAoi3o?li… via @YouTube
I knew I was destined for the funeral business...can't even keep a mum alive #blackthumb
I think someone was murdered and buried in my subdivision. Running hot water through my sink resulted in the smell of autopsy #fhprobs
The husband is so excited to be home after a wk away that he fell asleep 10 min after I fed him. #homesweethome #stilllovehim @lanceloftus
HUNDREDS of pieces of clothing in my closet, and the one shirt I need to perfect my outfit is MIA....#ruined
"@WolfpackAlan: I wanna be in shape but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?" @lanceloftus
Not excited about lunch until I open the fridge to find the leftover olive garden I forgot about #MondayMotivation
I'm able to CHOOSE to sit outside in July and not die? #lovinthisweather
Dog attempts to jump on couch. Dog misses and hits beer glass. Dog sulks in defeat, soaking wet. #lulushandy
Enjoying lake time with good people #itshisbirthdayweek @lanceloftus @FATHER_FIT_IN
While some of my friends have the terrible 2's going on in their household, we have a case of the terrible tan lines #marriedwithoutchildren
(256): I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Car-check...now on to vacations...where to go? #cantdecide @lanceloftus
I buy prilosec for @lanceloftus and I receive a coupon for at home pregnancy tests...wth?
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