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"Put cheese on it." "It's not-" "Put cheese on it." "Really now, you-" "Everything gets better with cheese on it." "Sir, it's a BROKEN LEG."
cause of death: too shy to call ambulance
cosmo tip #458: just before you hit your orgasm yell "SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JÄGER" loudly
i always found watching Pingu really frustrating as a kid like omg stop nooting at everyone you brat just chill out
aint no thirst like that social link thirst
Dear sidewalk, Please get wider..... Sincerely, third friend walking behind feeling excluded.
"I'm not pressuring you... but you're gonna do it" - Me
#Virgo's can be hella moody, but dont take it personal, they still love you.
you're all acting happy that it's friday as if you actually have plans or a life lol come here let's cry together i have oreos.
What if I the guy that invents the cure for cancer also likes to murder children?
I can tell you what's wrong with me. And in most cases, how I can fix it. I'm just unable to hold on to sanity for long periods of time.
Retweet this if you're a short girl, let the world know you're amazing :)
I got 99 problems, and money is all of them.
New STD called "feelings" Don't catch that shit
That awkward moment when someone knocks on your door, and by the time you open it, there's no one there, but 104 pennies on your doorstep...
Friends are a lot like trees, they fall down when hit multiple times with an axe. #AntiJokeTuesday
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