Jonah Hill
@IamJonahHilI
| Too Many Girls Demand Attention And Not Respect | Parody | Not Affiliated With Jonah Hill
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Google+ is the gym of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
If a profile picture has two ppl in it, the profile belongs to the uglier one.
Every time you make a "your mom" joke, I call my mom to check. Most of you are liars.
Be careful whose toes you step on today because they might be connected to the foot that kicks your ass tomorrow.
Mom says 'Alcohol is your enemy'... Jesus says 'Love your enemy.'
Laughter is always the best medicine... unless you have diarrhea.
I think there's finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
So tired of girls complaining that there are no good guys left. Hello?? They’re where you left them, IN THE FRIEND ZONE!
Facebook retains ownership of everything you post, so I uploaded my debt and my kids.
It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
Teacher: "Tell me the name of 3 great kings?" Me: "SmoKING, drinKING and f*cKING."
Darkest: the exact moment you’re trying to find your seat at a movie.
The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.
"Can I help you Sir?" "No, I just waited in line for 30 minutes to say Hi."
Today is one of those days where I wish I could restore myself to the factory settings.
My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So now I have to sit down when I pee.
Getting into a relationship may be tempting but so was getting on the titanic ship and look what happened there.
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