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Never thought I would ever be on Top Gear. What a time to be alive. My episode is this Sunday 23rd February 8pm on BBC Two
(I am 6 months pregnant) Me after ordering my coffee: Stranger at Starbucks: you know you should be drinking decaf when you’re pregnant. Me: I’m... not pregnant. Stranger: (horrified) I am so, so sorry! And that’s what you get for giving unsolicited advice.
Lewis Capaldi. What a way to silence a moody old c**t like Noel. Fair play to him. Always loved Noel’s banter but he went to far with this one. And don’t ever hate on Scotland. Best gig crowds in the world 🏴💙
There’s winning a feud, and then there’s coming on stage at TRNSMT in a Chewbacca mask and performing Don’t Look Back In Anger, but re-naming it Don’t Chewbac In Anger. @LewisCapaldi 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Being yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself
Only REAL friends can make you ugly laugh until you can’t breathe 😂😭
You’d think seeing fit girls in the gym would motivate me, but it actually makes me wanna eat a 4 pack of snickers and cry about my body
If this isn't me idk what is
There’s winning a feud, and then there’s coming on stage at TRNSMT in a Chewbacca mask and performing Don’t Look Back In Anger, but re-naming it Don’t Chewbac In Anger. @LewisCapaldi 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I had a Cadbury’s Double Decker for the first time EVER yesterday. I always assumed it had raisins and orange in it. It doesn’t. It’s glorious. It’s like a Toffee Crisp had sex with a Boost. And now I have to come to terms with the fact that I’ve basically wasted my life.
Your girl when you spent the last 3 days with her and you about to go home
‘The Biggest Communication Problem Is We Don’t Listen To Understand, We Listen To Reply.’
You’re so fucking lucky if you’re madly in love and it’s reciprocated and if the relationship is healthy and innocent and pure and full of nothing but good intentions
"Papa Papa!" "Yes Johnny?" "Drinking Whiskey?" "No Johnny!" "Terrible Father?" "Wh- Well I mean that's a bit-" "I'm moving in with Mom!" *Johnny's father bursts into tears as he realizes he's lost all hope of reconciling with his son*
The downside of working out with Glutenus Maximus @TheRock is that he has all the machines set on beast mode. A lot of this was going on.
Cant wait to go to sleep without hearing NICE ONE BRUVA tonight
can’t explain how jealous i am of people who have a proper group of pals who go out n do stuff together n speak everyday, sounds pure sad but i acc speak to nobody anymore
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