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Mentally, I’m back in August introducing my 9 year old nephew to Crazy Rap driving from the Keys to Miami for a family fun day.
Perks of being OCD & a clean freak: surprise family visits are never awkward b/c my apartment stays looking like an untouched show unit 🤣 “Sure, come in and stay the night, it looks like no one lives here, b/c I’m mentally unwell!”
Nate Jacobs is a fucking monster, how am I this late to the Euphoria wagon?
I took out my first student loan in 2017. And I’ve only earned $260 in interest. That isn’t bad, right? 😂 it’s been 8 years.
It still blows my mind, that there are people in this world that don’t know how to parallel park or they try and they suck at it.
It’s terrible, but instinctively when someone says “oh I love Chicago, I’m going there in a month!” My reply is “oh I’m sorry.” And then I look like a dick for growing up there and not getting the hype.
Sister: “Jake, can I borrow your car to run some errands while you’re at work?” Me: “Sure, just don’t wreck it, oh and be careful, there’s a loaded gun and illegal tint, that would hard to explain to a sheriff…” Sister: “I hate you.” Me: “Nah, I just keep you on your toes!”
Driving to work once a week, the past few weeks has made me realize that I am not made out to be a working person🤣
I tripped on a curb stop and dented the fuck outta someone’s car with my body. It’s been a day.
If you don’t vacation at least once a month, what are you doing with your life?
How oblivious am I, may you wonder? One of my employees came to me slurring his words and freaking out, and I asked him if he was day drunk. He was indeed having a stroke.. I broke many laws following the ambulance to the hospital to be there for him. 🤷🏼♂️ oops?
Only reason I didn’t buy a Durango was that ugly ass outdated instrument cluster
I’m getting a different license plate every damn year. Man I love Florida 😂
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