Jamie Merrett
@JamieMerrett
Musician, songwriter, creator of things, smartass. Prolonged contact may cause irritation. If symptoms persist seek medical advice. Always read the label.
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Just realised #coronavirus is an anagram of #carnivorous. Maybe #veganism is the cure! 👀
Just watched a documentary about narcissism. Couldn't help thinking it was all about me.
Anyone got any tips for getting wrinkles out of an ironing board cover?
I broke my retractable pencil just after the warranty ran out and now I can't take it back.
It's funny... no matter how busy some people are, they'll always manage to find time to tell everyone how busy they are! #workplacewisdom
I've got a friend who only ever writes in lower case letters. I think he's probably a bit capitalist.
If a clear night sky can be considered romantic... does that make the moon and stars an astrodisiac?
I recently bought some joss sticks but was angered by their overbearing smell. In fact, you could say I was incensed.
Judging by all the silly hats I guess it must be that time of year again. Happy Guinness Day everyone!
Had an idea for a new TV show in which Nicholas Parsons answers viewers' questions. It's called 'Parsons Knows'.
Avoid having your socks blow off the washing line by cutting the toes off so the wind blows straight through then. #toptip
@PCTrumpton @willsmithuk @PleasentInstinc @billbelew_com 1 hobnob? But it's my last one! Halvesies?
People who are allergic to Christmas decorations suffer from tinselitis. #fact
Rumour has it David Cameron will be showing off his culinary skills in a new series of the Great British Bacon.
Tried to call David Cameron's office to get a comment on the pig story but there seems to be a fault on the line. All I got was crackling.
@JamieMerrett looking and sounding epic at #victoriousfestival with #BethOliverBand
#VictoriousFest #BethOliverBand awesome start to the day #hipsterbeardwatch 2 @CheverSar @JamieMerrett
United States Trends
- 1. FINALLY DID IT N/A
- 2. The REKT N/A
- 3. #fancymedia N/A
- 4. #Oscars2026 N/A
- 5. Sinners N/A
- 6. The ONDO N/A
- 7. Delroy Lindo N/A
- 8. Kate Hudson N/A
- 9. The SPX6900 N/A
- 10. Chase Infiniti N/A
- 11. Best Picture N/A
- 12. No Other Choice N/A
- 13. Wunmi N/A
- 14. Wicked N/A
- 15. Board of Peace N/A
- 16. Marty Supreme N/A
- 17. Train Dreams N/A
- 18. $GHOST N/A
- 19. Good Thursday N/A
- 20. Sentimental Value N/A
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