JaredDBThompson's profile picture. Pixar

Jared Thompson

@JaredDBThompson

Pixar

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I just farted at a urinal and a man, in sandals, shitting in a comedy club stall next to me said “Gross.” I’m back, y’all!


Is there anything more confusing that people with “heart failure” can just, like, live?


Elvis Hussein Presley


What are they going to do with the 1/10th of 1 mile of Border Wall™️ that Donald J Trump built with his BARE LIL’ HANDS?


It’s crazy that people can just like see where you live


It would be totally reasonable to sentence any undecided voter to the death penalty.


How are people who “can’t handle Facebook” doing during this?


How does a pill know to go down your throat not sideways?


Watching Love Island, thinking how lame they are being in bed during the day while I’m lying in bed at 1:45pm under a weighted blanket.


How many state capitals do you think Trump could name? 35?


Can you say “have a good weekend” on: Monday? Definitely not Tuesday: Not a chance Wednesday: Nope Thursday: If you’re off on Friday Friday: All day long! Saturday: Until maybe late morning Sunday: You’re a horrible, despicable monster


There’s a different kind of human suffering inside a person who says “Have a Good Weekend!” on Sunday.


I mean it appears Ted Bundy was also racist. #Bundy


The best way I can describe it is House of Cards Seasons 1-5 are John Carpenter’s Halloween and Season 6 is Rob Zombie’s Halloween.


At this rate, flying flags at regular mast will be the rarer occasion


Damn, Steve Avery’s mom got a great endorsement deal! #MakingAMurdererPart2

JaredDBThompson's tweet image. Damn, Steve Avery’s mom got a great endorsement deal! #MakingAMurdererPart2

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