You might like
I was today's years old when I found out I was today's years old. It has been happening a lot to me lately.
I've started a new company called One-to-Ten. It produces scales. So now anyone saying 'on a scale from 1 to 10' would actually have to buy one.
Danish customs officers have discovered 18,000 viagra pills being imported illegally. Actually they found 20,000 pills but then they thought about the upcoming company Christmas party.
I have been watching the Internet Invitational golf thing. I never knew there were so many spoiled brats that played golf.
The future is right around the corner, unless you choose to walk straight ahead.
Not a night to run around Glasgow waving a Danish flag. Though you might meet a sympathetic Rangers fan with a free pint and some bandages.
It is not that kids these days know nothing, it is that they know far less than that.
I'm trying to write a Country & Western song. It is called: "I married my third cousin". The first verse starts like this: "I married my first cousin, but she was once removed". The following verses are about the next two cousins I married. The second one was also once removed.
Dear all cricket commentators: It is not a cameo if a player gets an unusual high score with the bat or bowls a few overs well. They are in the team, they are in the credits. A cameo is Stan Lee appearing shortly in a Spider-Man movie without influence on the plot. Bah! Humbug!
There's a fine line between genius and madness. But madness goes far beyond so there is a pretty good chance your madness is just madness not genius at all.
Had a fight with my dentist. I'll heel and I'm only missing one tooth. But if anyone asks it was a 32 wheeler truck and it was worse off for wear.
Pro tip: Never try to combat a toothache with ice cream. You'll end up with toothache and an ice cream headache.
I need a new work shirt for my job as a psychic, do you have any? Of course, what size do you use? Medium.
With today's packaging I think we all should have listened a bit more to Andy Warhol when he said that in the future everybody will get 15 minutes of foam.
United States Trends
- 1. Packers 90.3K posts
- 2. Eagles 119K posts
- 3. Jordan Love 13.9K posts
- 4. #WWERaw 119K posts
- 5. Matt LaFleur 7,553 posts
- 6. AJ Brown 6,258 posts
- 7. $MONTA 1,334 posts
- 8. Patullo 11.7K posts
- 9. Smitty 5,310 posts
- 10. Jaelan Phillips 6,751 posts
- 11. #GoPackGo 7,625 posts
- 12. Sirianni 4,600 posts
- 13. McManus 3,888 posts
- 14. Grayson Allen 2,974 posts
- 15. Cavs 10.3K posts
- 16. #MondayNightFootball 1,890 posts
- 17. Pistons 14.5K posts
- 18. Wiggins 11.4K posts
- 19. John Cena 96.8K posts
- 20. Devonta Smith 5,534 posts
Something went wrong.
Something went wrong.