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I wish I could just plug in Matrix style and download every pun ever told so I won't do the goofy chuckle whenever I haven't heard one.
I bet none of you can't imitate my voicemail message as well as I do when I accidentally answer.
ghost reading : when someone tells you all about a book they have read
"A certain degree of discretion might be in order if you understand me." "Got it. Fahrenheit. No? Celcius? Help me out here!"
I'm having some difficulties balancing my time budget. It's weird because my income hasn't changed.
When you're about to tell them that last night was fun but you don't want a relationship right now
Is it too early to start saying "Back in my day, we used to pour buckets of ice over ourselves"?
[casting The Revenant] Hey, Leo! That thing when you were all feebled on ludes in Wolf of Wall Street? Can you do it for a whole movie?
And as you read this tweet your eye lids are becoming heavier. You're decending into state of complete... relaxation… Not working, huh?
Sarah Palin must have just assumed we'd already tweeted everything we can possibly tweet about her a long time ago. She was wrong.
Your focused meditation sounds great but have you heard of naps? I think they will blow your mind!
*knocks on gates of hell* Yeah... Hi there! I heard you dismiss christians here. Can I come in and take a look?
Is there a way of not losing all respect for people who question why you know who directed the movie they're talking about?
"Yeah well studies show stuff all the time..." Me talking to internet ads and perhaps needing to get out more on weekends.
I need to work on disagreeing with attractive people as much as I arbitrarily assume the opposite opinion of everyone else.
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