Johnny Parties
@JohnParties
32, married, two kids one on the way, looking for some side action.
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I count the toilet paper squares before a girl comes over and count it again after she goes to the bathroom to see how wet she was….yo?…..yo?……yo?…..yo?
I bet someone is walking around rn with a vintage belt they got from their grandpa that was used to beat their dads ass
If i had a leather couch as a kid idve lubed up the cushions like some pussy lips and fucked it
My brain is deadass auto translating “lowkey” into “lowkirkenuinely”
How do i explain to people that sniffing another mans sweaty boxers isn’t that gay
Billie joe armstrong looks like a midget with normal length limbs and to top it off he pretends hes punk but his band is wall art for teenage girls
At the end of the semester when i go to my last classes i expect us to solemnly say goodbye to one another because i made up characters for everyone and i thought we all had some deep connection but i made it all up in my head and they dont know who i am
Hamburger helper was invented as an excuse for men to beat their wives
Anyone live in the rochester area and wanna give me a ride? Im at 67 mustard street
I need a chair in my room thats perfectly angled at my door so i can sit naked in it cross legged and have my dick completely hidden from the person in the doorway
When people ask what im into and i say movies and music i feel like such a performative loser bitch
I wanna die but nonchalantly cus suicide is too chalant and attention seeking
Do cashiers dirty talk each other by saying “lemme ask you a question?” If you understand what this means just give me a call on my phone and tell me
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